So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
