you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
