so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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