the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
