I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
