i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
