I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
