The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
