i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
