positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
