Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
