My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
