sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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