i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
