remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
