Im at strip club and am horny
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
