I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think my tv is drunk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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