People with herpes should wear stickers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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