we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
