Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
