Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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