We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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