farters have to be the big spoon...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
