how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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