So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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