with your own penis?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
this hospital has no fireball
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
