This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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