You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
