i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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