they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
