first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
