maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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