i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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