you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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