I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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