the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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