break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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