her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
as a side note pls kill me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
