my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have aggressive nipples.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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