Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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