question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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