But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
