Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
