And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
