margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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