was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
