You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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