If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I didn't notice because vodka
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
