its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
