I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
