the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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