OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
