I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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