sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
